


The Life of Garrus Vakarian

by Kerica



Series: Kerica Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Drabble, Drabble Collection, Earthborn (Mass Effect), F/M, Minor Shepard/Liara T'Soni, One Shot Collection, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Poor Life Choices, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-04 14:08:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14021943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kerica/pseuds/Kerica
Summary: Garrus Vakarian is a very opinionated Turian. A unconventional, not very good Turian at all. Yet, for all intents and purposes, he's the best damn member of the Normandy his Commander could have at her side. He never felt like he was appreciated, that no one ever heard what he said and always told him to 'get back in line'. Then she came along and while she had no qualms about telling him off and why she had a problem with something he said, she also never told him to shut up. She never told him that she didn't want to hear what he had to say.So the least he could do was do the same; hear her and listen to her at every given opportunity. He was quick to realize this wasn't always verbal. Often, hearing her came from watching her. How she moved, how she spoke to others around them, her ticks and quirks. Learning her from the inside out. It was a long process with trials and errors.Three years, whether she was present or not, and his Commander Shepard could still keep him on his toes.----This is Marked as Complete, though I would suggest still checking back because each chapter in itself is a one-shot! This is a collection, and I can add chapters to completed works!





	1. Movement

**Author's Note:**

> Chronologically, these drabbles will be out of order. I'll put a notice before each one. 
> 
> This first one is Me2 before the death of all his teammates on Omega.

It was the way she moved.

It didn’t strike him until a lot later. Too late-later. Just...randomly, while he was popping shots off at some random ass Blue Suns member. A turian, at the very least.

His rag-tag team was coming along nicely. He had one or two women on his side. A least one human female. He didn’t give her a second glance, too tunnel-visioned as it were. He’d gotten to know a lot of human idioms thanks to working with Kerica.

 _Shepard_. He corrected mentally. He was still working through the disconnect so it would hurt less whenever he thought about her. Which was...more often than he would like to admit.

He wasn’t at all _attracted_ to his human female member. Not in the slightest. Before and after Shepard, he just...didn’t think of humans like _that_.

He saw female turians on Omega now and again. It was rare but it happened. He could muster up attraction if he really wanted to. So he wasn’t ‘broken’ as some old-school turians liked to put it.

Yet… as he forced himself to observe his growing crew that flew under his Archangel banner, that way they could move and act as a team with little obstruction, he found himself thinking that the human female was...lacking.

Too stiff. Jerky motions. Way too serious. While he was grieving, sure, Garrus could still crack a joke once in a while, damn it. Lighten the fuck up.

Good in a firefight and passionate about the same cause, she just...didn’t cut it on his mental checklist.

Now _that_ was also shocking. That he even had a _mental checklist_. Of what? Potential mate?

Garrus shivered at the thought of having a mate; especially in the state he was in. He was in no way shape or form ready to _settle down_ anytime soon.

No it was...a different kind of checklist. For a _partner_ in general. Someone who could fight beside him flawlessly.

That got him thinking even more. What was it that he liked about the way Keri-ahem-Shepard, moved again?

_‘She moved like me…’_

Like a _turian_ . Whether she recognized it or not didn’t matter. He had. As he thought back...way back. _Months_ and months ago, when he first met her, he realized he’d watched her. A lot. All the time, even when _neither_ of them realized it.

_‘She walked on the balls of her feet.’_

Turian feet...he had a ‘heel’ in all technicality, but it was physically impossible to walk ‘flat footed’ like...ninty-nine percent of the Normandy crew. There were several who did walk _lightly_ but Shepard…

He actually...Spirits, honestly he couldn’t think of a time where her ‘heels’ touched the ground, either. Even dead...hmm... _exhausted_ after a mission, or taking her armor off in decontamination, or even storming up to get in someone’s face, and running especially. Always on point, ready to pivot and move and even halt on a dime.

It took some more time, but he even remembered the times during missions when he’d end up on her six just out of habit rather than actively choosing to. Or beside her towards the end. How the two of them would move...together. They were both snipers, so even though sometimes she would wreck people with her pistol, the two of them would pick enemies off together from a distance, only moving when necessary.

Sometimes...sometimes she wouldn’t move until he did. She would match her movements to his, _mimicking_ him. Their strides in time with one another. Even the short bursts, with his long legs out matching her shorter stature anyday, boy could she lurch and bounce from one foot to the other, taking just as many or _less_ strides than him.

Garrus wasn’t entirely sure if he could call her movements graceful without in turn saying the same about himself. He usually didn’t mind tooting his own horn, but he was _handsome_ not _beautiful_. So instead his brain supplied ‘fluid’.

Her movements were fluid, like water...he could go with that.


	2. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference to in-game situations. Set in Me2.

It was also her mind.

No, no...there was a lot about her _mind_ he could go on about for days. This was something entirely different. It was the way she thought...ugh, no. Not that either. The way she _processed_ things differently. Yes...that was better. A lot closer to what he meant to begin with.

There were a lot of things that Kerica just...shrugged off. About her crew, mostly. Not in a dismissing manner. Oh no, not at all. Quite the opposite, actually. She cared a _lot_ about all of them.

Ever since the beginning she'd been that way. It tore her apart when she had to make the call to let Alenko die. He knew Ashley grated on her nerves, and Kaiden had been a sweet guy, for a human. In the end, it had been a very...logical decision.

Garrus knew. He had been there. Watched her face contort, her skin pale as horror flashed across her jade colored eyes. Then as she weighed the options, her face became set and firm. _Detached_. That was the moment the decision had been made.

What struck him now was more about how she just...damn it, what was the expression again? Flipped the table on its head in the face of certain situations. Usually at the part where her comrades revealed their deep, dark secrets. How did he know? Because after every conversation it happened in, he saw the said person with the same confused face and Shepard with a pleased, accomplished smile.

Like they'd shown her their personal boogieman and Kerica had simply smiled at it brightly while simultaneously telling it to fuck off. Or that they’d shown their skeleton closet and she had dusted them off, turned around and proceeded to give their demons nicknames. Which...he could confidently confirm what actually happened.

Everything about Sidonis she had quite easily asked him to tell her when and where. She was with him one hundred percent of the way. He even got to shoot Harkin in the knee, making it even easier for him to be found and put away for his crimes. They got all the way to the actual meeting and he had been confident she would let him take the shot...but she talked to Sidonis. Found out what _really_ happened.

That was when he discovered that...even demons could feel guilty. Demons could acknowledge their crimes and proceed to wish to be left alone to wallow in their own self-pity. Choose to give themselves their own form of punishment.

Even demons could wish for redemption.

It took all of that for him to take a good, long, hard look at himself. That was when he opened his eyes and saw things for what they were.

Kerica teased and joked with Jack about Miranda, but Miranda held a lot of respect for Kerica for seeing and hearing who she was underneath that pretty face and perfect body and amazing abilities. Kerica could turn around and jab at Jack and call her on her bullshit, all at the same time having Jack’s respect for seeing and hearing her through her tough facade and hard-knock attitude.

She saw them. Accepted them without further ado. Picked them apart and put them back together, made them all better than they were. Miranda wasn’t nearly in everyone’s faces anymore, and Jack could be quiet and listen from time to time. Their Commander could be cold and logical, and even bitchy and such a hard-ass. Yet Kerica could fill the halls with laughter from her gut, have philosophical discussions, shed a few tears, and after it all be ready to go again for another fight.

People weren’t two-dimensional. Garrus had made mistakes. Nearly made a demon out of himself because all he could see was black and white, his own hatred and rage. He saw Kerica make her own mistakes from tactical and minor to horribly extreme that nearly got them killed before they even reached their suicide mission. How could he not? She took him absolutely everywhere with her, even if the second squadmate changed every now and again. He saw so many sides to his Commander that he didn’t know what to do with it all.

The least he could do was pick her apart, dust off her own skeletons, give her personal demons nicknames, and accept her for the crazy ass human he’d come to admire since he first met her.


	3. Vocalization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this one actually falls in line with Mass Effect 1! I didn't use her name in this one, because he hasn't gotten close enough to her quite yet. 
> 
> I was inspired for the clicks and pops of Turian language in this podfic --> "Marked Introductions"

It went unnoticed by most of the crew.

Garrus Vakarian, however? Not a chance.

Being a C-sec officer meant little to a lot of people, so fine. He would put in terms that could be easily understood. This Turian was neither blind, ignorant, nor was he deaf. Spirits be damned he was a Military man and a sniper, for crying out loud!

He was observant, thank you very much. Very little went past his radar, under his nose, or over his head...however one wanted to put it.He, unlike most Turians even, _got_ a lot of these idioms humans liked to throw around. He took the time to _listen_ and piece things together.

So that brought it all back around to Garrus’ point of contention.

Whether or not Shepard knew _exactly_ what she was doing. Better yet, as she herself was not blind, ignorant, or deaf, knew he knew what she was doing.

Those...those confounding _noises_!

It was physically impossible for humans to have subvocals. Garrus was no stranger to the hmm-ing and haw-ing people did. That was definitely a universal thing. No. No this was something completely different. Shepard had found a way to talk to everyone in a unique manner. He, _unfortunately_ , was not excluded.

Spirits...maybe he shouldn't say it was unfortunate. It was just...throwing him way off kilter. If Shepard could find a way, she would. That was just how she worked. So why was he so surprised?

She would “hmm” with other members of the crew, sure. With him, though, she would specifically _hum_. Hum low, deep in her throat where it would almost vibrate her chest. Hum high, where he could see the space where her jaw met her throat quiver. Different pitches, lengths, and tones.

Not to mention the pops, clicks, clucks, and chicks she would do with her tongue and cheeks against her teeth and using suction.

She usually did any of these things while she thought or while he talked so he knew she was following along. Often times he knew exactly _what_ she was thinking simply by listening to her tune.

Turian language to humans was like French and German or even Spanish. No one really bothered to learn more than one language anymore when a translator could do all the work for you. Turian language was guttural, while at the same time being nasally, with fast hisses, clicks and pops, growling mixed in all around. Garrus Vakarian. Adrien Victus. Saren Arterius and Nihlus Kryik. Chellick. They all have similar sounds to their names. Their words were the same way, but just like people could say the name ‘Cortez’ or ‘Rodriguez’ from Spanish but couldn’t speek Spanish itself, Turian language was just the same. Granted, he couldn’t speak any of the Human languages, but the point he was making was not only were their barriers, but people didn’t bother _trying_.

Shepard tried. At least, that was what it felt like to him.

It drove him wild some days. Others, he didn’t think about it much. He guessed it depended on the mood, or at least topic of discussion. In all honesty, he didn’t think much of it to begin with, when he first joined the crew. He did tend to get lost in whatever he was doing or what was on his mind. However, like everything else, while there was plenty of things to do, there was plenty of downtime. He started listening, not because he was bored, but because in his particular downtime, Garrus liked to optimize the Mako to the best of his ability. It was soothing, and he could do it in his sleep he was so good at it. Almost like how people listened to music while they worked. The methodical action was something that helped him think about other important things and concentrate.

So he concentrated. On Shepard. It was subtle at first, really. Took him a hot minute to connect points A and B together; that she didn’t do it with everyone. Then the one time were he _truly_ took notice was during dinner. The Alliance ship crew excluding Joker, Ashley, Kaiden and Chakwas had their dinners and showers and everything beforehand and they’d tucked in to sleep. That left Shepard's immediate, unofficial ‘special’ crew to have their dinner. The Ground Team as they _were_ officially called. Instantly on call when needed where everyone else was unimportant and there to make the ship functional, like Presley.

Ashley was xenophobic and a racist, but she could be professional and keep her mouth shut, letting everyone else have a good time while they ate. At first, they had all been wary and stand-offish towards one another. Yet Shepard demanded they all come around and deal with one another for at least one hour while they ate. It took...time. _‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all’_ was the motto for the dinner table. Any other time they could speak frank, she was ridiculously open about it. Dinner? That was a whole other story. If they gave her lip, she’d turn around and talk smack right back at them. If any of them got snippy with someone else, she’d put her foot down. Oddly enough, even with the whole issue of Saren looming over their heads and every other pressing matter, Shepard seemed to be...really patient.

Then she would do the thing. The pops and clicks. She wouldn’t even be trying to talk to him. But she’d do it right before she said something he thought was rather interesting. Things about herself, her past, information to another crewmate from the mondande to impressive. After a while, he had found it rather amusing. A trained response, almost, but those...noises proceeded to move from the dinner table to their conversations. She had noticed the way he paid attention. She had to have.

Her noises were just that, noises. No real meaning behind them. Similar to how a child babbled nonsense. It wasn’t childish...oh no. They just...ended up having their own meaning. It always struck him whenever she did one he wasn’t used to, or she didn’t do very often. It made him pay attention more. She was very clever, and he found himself looking forward to conversations now. In way more ways than one, but that was a musing for a different day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have another chapter idea with a similar theme to this one, being vocal, but in a different way. It's going to be called Inflection. Take a wild guess!


	4. Appearances

“You know, I really like your eyes.”

The compliment had taken him off guard. It had been extremely random with no context whatsoever. Shepard had simply been sitting beside him on the Mako watching him work; something that she did all the time now. Caught by surprise, he turned to look at her, a dumbfounded expression on his face that could be read easily by anyone. 

“Um...thank you?” he answered her, confusion laced in his voice.

“What’s wrong, Vakarian?” His Commander grinned widely, “I was sure you would like being complimented, since you’re usually talking yourself up.”

Garrus felt his mandibles flicking, “Ah...yes. It was just so out of the blue, as you humans put it. Thank you, really. Anything else you'd like to say, Commander?” he shot her a smirk this time, one side of his fringe flaring out.

“Mmmm, nope. I'm good.” Her grin never faded, and she picked up her abandoned data pad beside her. It was only then did Garrus returned to what he was doing.

He found that was just...something Shepard did. Gave out random compliments to the crew, and every so often a pedestrian. So he wasn’t alone. It usually happened when that particular person stood out in some form or another. A colorful outfit. A lovely hairstyle. If Shepard had a close enough look, their makeup. When it came to species such as Asari, Turians, or Krogan it tended to be their coloring, or markings and patterns. For Quarians, a mixture of clothing colors and design. Occasionally their names, if it was concerning the Hanar, Elcor, or Volus, since they didn’t differentiate much.

In true stealthy Infiltrator fashion, Shepard would spring it on someone when they least expected it.

For Wrex, she complimented his scars. Kaiden, his smile. Ashley her hair while also saying she could probably stand to let it down once in a while. Tali had been pleasantly surprised when Shepard sprung on her that she loved the swirling pattern as well as the shade of purple on her suit pieces. It'd been pretty funny when Shepard mentioned she enjoyed Joker's beard. The freckles Liara had were her favorite thing about the asari, though she had also mentioned when her makeup was 'on point' and 'looking fabulous'.

So the next time she did it, mentioning how ‘unique’ his face paint was, he rolled along with it, telling her that he noticed her improving her skills on the field and to keep up the good work.

That was until Williams butted in later, saying “You know she wasn't just complimenting you, right?”

Now, for as much as he didn’t particularly get along with Chief here, she didn't try to...hmm...yank his chain, was it? Williams was a rather straightforward woman. So he blinked slowly at her, not comprehending what she was saying. “I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about.”

That  _ actually  _ gave her pause. Then she told him, “I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and say I blame the species barrier. Otherwise you're pretty dense.” Ashley proceeded to walk away and leave him wondering.

He wouldn’t even figure out why until later. When he saw Liara leaving Kerica’s cabin before Ilos.


	5. Explosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in ME2. Less of of a Musing, more of a...very intense moment between him and Shepard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay a couple's argument!  
> \---  
> Grave Digger - Matt Maeson inspired this chapter! I literally listened to it on repeat the whole time

It had become more apparent as time continued that Kerica Shepard had most certainly been affected by the fact two years had passed without her.

Garrus had offhandedly pointed out during one of the dinners that the two of them were probably the same age now, in all technicality. He had aged two years and she had come back as she was.

This was a bad idea. The table had gone quiet quickly as Kerica’s face froze in place and she got a hazy look to her eyes.

She played it off well, quickly passing it off and playing along, but those quick seconds had been enough.

She was prone to outbursts out of the blue. So far, it had only happened in his company. Behind closed doors in the main battery. If it happened in her cabin Garrus had no idea, but it was more than likely. Lost in her own head, she’d be quiet for a while, stop looking at or filing reports for maybe half an hour to an hour before she’d suddenly start ranting, shouting about whatever the hell had pissed her off mentally.

He just couldn’t help but be startled every time it happened, though he was quick to recover and stop what he was doing to focus on her and what she was saying. She was fairly the same person he had known two years ago, so he knew _not_ to ignore her or _pretend_ he was listening.

This time...was a little different.

Here they were just relaxing. She had given up on sitting on the edge of the crate she had chosen as her personal perch. Instead she was laying on his bed that was further back behind the storage, but she was wide awake staring at the ceiling, data pad forgotten on the crate. Then all of sudden she was not.

Garrus tensed for an outburst, then slowly dropped his shoulders when didn’t happen right away. It didn’t take long to tense again and feel antsy when she started _pacing_. Kerica may shift and fiddle but she didn’t tend to pace. This caused immediate concern and wariness. It was like she was winding up. What could this be? What had gotten her so riled up? What was she thinking?

Sky blue eyes widened and mandibles drew up tight when she rounded on him, her jade green eyes burning bright.

“How did you think it was a good idea? _Were_ you even thinking?!” She snapped and he could’ve sworn he imagined her as a Turian with sharp teeth with how she jerked her head and clacked those pearly whites together.

“Elaborate, Shepard.” Garrus tried to say calmly, watching her turn and start pacing again, throwing her hands in the air.

“Omega! Archangel! Living in that _place_ for two fucking years, Garrus! To clean up the place? Make life worth living? You’ve told me what you thought you reasonings _were_ , but I don’t buy it! I don’t buy that was what you were thinking when you left the Citadel! Fed up with the bullshit, sure, but just because I was dead didn’t give you the excuse to go throw your life away!”

Oooooh boy. Garrus had an internal war of his own. This topic of conversation was _sore_ . He didn’t like thinking about _that_. Thinking back two years to the moment where he found out she died. All over the news. Finding the wreck of the Normandy, gathering the crew that survived like Joker and Ashley and Chakwas. The comments they made, or refused to. Shepard’s body lost. The “funeral” with a closed casket missing a body and just a picture, a flag draped over it. The speeches.

“What do you want to hear, Shepard?” It was barely a whisper. His second larynx thrummed sadly.

He watched her stop her pacing on a dime. Acting like she did on the battlefield when she heard something that could be dangerous. She turned slowly and deliberately to face him. Her face was hard to read. Which was odd, because he prided himself as being able to read her expressions well.

“Do you want to hear that I _didn’t_ think?” Garrus motioned his hand towards her, “That I was lost in despair, said fuck it to everything and jumped on the first ship to Omega? Because I didn’t, Shepard. I thought long and hard over it. I already talked about how pissed off I was about the red tape and how I couldn’t just go back to C-sec. After travelling with you I was too used to being able to get things done.” He sliced his hand through the air and jerked it to a stop, “Losing you was dark for all of us. We were already split up, but we got even more so after the news. We all barely spoke to each other during the funeral. Nothing about the old times. It was too hard.”

“You could’ve joined the Spectres! I put your name forward for it! I was hoping to hear about you training for it while I was out there doing what I do.” Kerica was also getting animated with her hands, “You couldn’t have willingly decided to go to Omega!”

“Why not?!” Garrus boomed at her, watching her shoulders tense and she drew up as tall as her tiny little feet could make her on her tiptoes. Her eyes got steely. “They were tossing everything you ever did right in the world out the window! They never contacted me for the Spectres! I was losing my damn mind, Shepard! It was like I couldn’t breathe!”

“No!” Kerica spun around again, but putting her back to him wasn’t a sign of submission. Her hands were in her hair and he feared for a split second she was going to rip out clumps of it. “How fucking could you, Garrus?! How could you stand going to an awful place like that even if it was to clean house?!”

The denial she was showing finally clicked with Garrus. This went even _deeper_ than his own decisions. Reaching for her he grasped a shoulder and spun her back around, “What in Spirit’s name is this all about, Shepard?! This isn’t about me, is it? What is your problem?”

“My problem? _My problem_ ?!” Her voice was just barely under a screaming volume, but higher than a shout. “ **_You weren’t supposed to be like me_ ** ! You ran away! _You ran away_ because you _couldn’t handle it_!”

“What are you _fucking_ talking about? Like _you_?!” Garrus shook her a little, but not too hard. She was still so small compared to him, even if she was like dynamite. A big boom in a small package.

Kerica brought her arm up in a quick swipe and knocked his hand off of her, “You’re a grown ass adult! You chose to live in the rotten holes of Omega willingly! To live where everyone could backstab you and use you and take you for granted! How fucking could you?!” She was breathing heavily, and her voice was wavering with high levels of emotion.

Garrus drove her back until he could smack his hand behind her and pin her to the wall, the sound of his gloved fist on metal reverberating around them and he watched her jump, startled and wide-eyed. There. The glassy look in her eyes was gone. “ _Shepard_ .” She was shaking violently and staring at him, her mouth agape, “ _What is this about?_ ”

Her eyes closed and she tried to breathe, but it wasn’t working very well, “Do you remember Finch?”

Garrus narrowed his eyes and rattled his brain. Finch…

 _The Tenth Street Reds_ . **_Finch._ **

A low growl vibrated out of him. He’d been so tense during that little side mission and was pleased when Shepard not only tipped off the Turian guard but also killed Finch. Just like he’d been happy when she killed Fist.

So she was angry he made the choice to go to Omega and live a hard life, where she had made the exact same choice to leave her home life to live on the streets. The difference was, he’d been completely aware of the consequences where she had left because she didn’t know any better.

Her next words confirmed his thoughts.

“I was _part of a gang_ , Garrus. _I_ _lived that life_. I was young and stupid back then. Would I go back to it? No. I wouldn’t go back to living in squalor and ratty beds and drafty nooks and crannies. You did, though. You did it on purpose. You were just on the other end of the spectrum; killing gangs instead. You could’ve done so much _better_. You almost _died_ in that _pit_. Or worse, almost got _captured_ and would’ve possibly gotten _tortured_ before-”

Garrus was done. Another rumble in his chest, his harmonics pinning with displeasure, and he grabbed her chin.

“ _You_ were my _‘better’_ , Shep.”

A kiss just as her breath caught in her throat.

It was quiet for a moment with just the gentle press of his mouth plates over her lips, and when he pulled away she had to ask. “I barely pulled my own boots out of the fire and survived that life, Garrus...would you have killed me if I hadn’t?”

“Yes.” He wouldn’t bullshit her. Had their lives taken a different turn, he more than likely would have pulled the trigger on her without a second thought.

This time, she was the one to kiss him. A little bit harder, a little bit deeper. He pulled her close and her hands found their way behind his head and rubbing the spots between and around his plates. It didn’t go any further. It didn’t need to. No apologies were made. They didn’t need them.

It was what it was.


	6. Shiara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Song-fic-ish. It is but it isn't, and only for a small portion. I didn't think it was important enough to put in the tags, but if I do it again in the future I will.  
> \------
> 
> Setting is ME2, after Omega 4 but before ME3. I'm just going to pretend the Arrival mission and ME3 don't exist yet :/

“So...Shepard...Shep.  _ Kerica _ .” Garrus was still adjusting to calling his Commanding Officer who was now his lover by her first name. So many protocol violations, he swore to the Spirits it was insane. He was with her in her cabin listening to her very interesting playlist. He’d helped her make it, way back when. It had even got him thinking about the good ol’ days two years ago. She’d obviously added a ton more songs to it he had never heard of. “Can I ask you something?”

Kerica looked up from her desk to where he was at her bed, blue meeting green and she tucked chestnut brown hair behind her ear, only for it to fall forward again defiantly. Her head tilted curiously, and then the songs transitioned, and it wasn’t even ten seconds in before she reached to her console and smacked a button for it to skip songs.

That made him pause. “What was that?”

“Ah...um. Just a song I crossed not too long ago. You don’t wanna hear it.” Kerica cleared her throat.

“Yeah, I do. Go back.” This wasn’t what he wanted to talk about, but Garrus leaned forward, putting his data pad down. He’d learned a while back that Kerica often found deeper, hidden meanings in songs that were scary accurate from time to time. This one sounded just like that, and about him to boot. He watched her reluctantly press the button to return to the previous song ‘ _ No Light, No Light, by Florence and the Machine _ ’.

The two of them were quiet as he listened to it. It wasn’t just about him, he realized quickly. The first two verses were quite obviously romantic, and while he was aware now that her feelings towards him had been stirring for a long time, it still caught him off guard. Then her body bent forward until her forehead thunked on the table.

_ ‘No light, no light in your bright blue eyes _

_ I never knew daylight could be so violent _

_ A revelation in the light of day _

_ You can't choose what stays and what fades away…’ _

This was set after she found him again. No doubt about it. Long before the whole mess with Sidonis where she had blocked his shot. His heart twisted in his chest and slowly he stood up, walking over to her quietly as the song continued to play. 

_ ‘Through the crowd I was crying out and _

_ In your place there were a thousand other faces _

_ I was disappearing in plain sight _

_ Heaven help me I need to make it right…’ _

She hadn’t been reinstated as a Spectre yet. He found out after the fact that she’d beelined for Omega. Wading in the shadows of her death, working undercover trying to get more than just two, three people on her ground team. Zaeed had been a welcome replacement for Jacob. From what he had been told, Kerica sniffed around trying to learn more about the mysterious ‘Archangel’ and she had suspected it was him from the start. Was this what those lyrics were referring to? Searching, hoping it was really him?

The next bit about ‘revelations’ and ‘resolutions’ made him finally touch her shoulder. She tensed but didn’t flinch away. Coaxing her to sit upright, he smiled at her in the best way he could, his sub-vocals taking on a calming vibration, “It’s a good song.” He promised her, and the tight knot in her brows relaxed if only a little bit. 

_ ‘But would you leave me _

_ If I told you what I've done _

_ And would you leave me _

_ If I told you what I've become…’ _

“That could work both ways. In the end, it obviously doesn’t matter because here we are.” Garrus told her firmly, running his talons through her hair, “You don’t have to hide things from me, Shep...Kerica. I was your friend long before we became intimate. Didn’t you tell me you trusted me?” He watched her shy smile cross her face, and he leaned down to bump his forehead with hers.

“Yeah...I trust you the most, outside of Joker and Liara.” Kerica nodded slowly and kept her forehead pressed to his, only tilting her head up enough to brush her nose with his next, the two of them making echoing hums of contentment, “This completely interrupted you before. What were you trying to ask?”

“I actually wanted to ask about Liara.” Garrus admitted and pulled back, going back on track, “You told me...that night...ah...that you had never...? Yet, I remember her coming from your cabin before Ilos. She had also been with you by the lockers and you two almost...”

“You saw all that, did you?” Kerica sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I still...wish that it had been you, but Liara was quick on the ball. My mindset was more ‘first come first serve’...and I did like Liara like that, anyway. Still do, really, but I respect you too much to do anything about it.”  _ ‘I wouldn’t betray you that way...’ _ was what she didn’t say. “As for...well, basically sex, a bonding with an asari is much different and more complex. We fingered each other, I ate her out, lots of kissing and touching, but it’s not the same as it was with you, Garrus. Call me old-fashioned, but...the prospect of it was kind of intimidating?”

Garrus was shocked and he wilted just a bit, turning his head away in embarrassment, “I was intimidating to you?”

“No! No, no, no. Actually... _ you _ were the opposite? That doesn’t make sense, does it…” Kerica groaned and her hand drove through her hair angrily, “Ugh...No, Garrus. You helped the whole thing work, because you were accommodating and considerate. Slow and gentle when you needed to be, and then as we both got the hang of it, it got  _ really _ sexy and a lot more fun.” She stood up and took his hands in hers, her grip tight, and when he looked back at her she was the one ducking her head away, “Just...if you have anything to take away from this, sex with a woman like Liara was completely different than it was with you, and not just the logistics of it. I still consider you the holder of my virginity, if that matters at all.”

“Of course it matters.” Garrus tightened his hold on her hands in return, “I understand, and that makes sense in it’s own weird way. Thank you, for clearing that up for me. I honestly would’ve been surprised if you told me you didn’t have feelings for her, because you’re not the that type of person.”

“I’m glad you’re so confident in knowing who I am.” Kerica deadpanned.

Garrus snorted, “Yes, I am. We’re more alike than we give each other credit for. I feel like I’ve known you for a long time, Kerica. I’m just hoping this lasts for a long time to come.” Kerica paused for a moment, watching him without changing her expression. Her poker face was in play, and he felt a bit uneasy, but he stayed firm. 

Then she broke into a wide smile, “I’d like that.”

“Is that so?” Garrus breathed a sigh of relief and bumped foreheads with her again affectionately, “That’s good, because friends or lovers, you’re stuck with me until we’re old and crippled.”

Her laugh filled the room and she moved to wrap her arms around his neck, his hands resting on her hips, “I wouldn’t have it any other way, big guy.”


End file.
